MATURE DATING: WHEN YOUR CHILDREN DON’T LIKE THE IDEA
by  Alice Langholt

Dating again in midlife is a different experience than it was in your teens, twenties or thirties. You are different, you have grown children now, and a past behind you that has changed, shaped, and taught you plenty. You’re wiser, and know what you want. There’s a reason we refer to it as mature dating.

You feel you want your choices respected by your children. After all, you are old enough to make your own choices and more equipped than ever before to do so. Yet, sometimes, the adult children of mature couples show disapproval. It feels like role reversal when the children were teens, and brought home someone you didn’t like. Yet, now your adult children are treating you like the teen who brought home the kid with the motorcycle to meet Mom and Dad.

Some midlife couples wait until they are serious before introducing each other to their children. This is considered a wise choice, as adult children may be protective and hostile. They may have issues remaining from whatever caused your divorce, or the memory of a parent who passed on. They simply may not be ready. If you have the chance to wait, do it. Many adult children feel annoyed at meeting different people their parent is dating at different times. It is best to wait until there is a serious relationship.

Now you may be in the situation that you have introduced your adult children to your love interest, and the children did not respond favorably. What should you do now? Here are some dating tips to handle a situation such as this:

• Give it time. Once your children see you are serious and happy, chances are they will come around after a bit.
• Talk to them separately. Tell your children why you love this person, and reassure them that nothing will replace the memory or role of their mother or father. Ask them calmly what their concerns are and address them as an adult, not as a grown up talking to children.
• Try not to force the issue by bringing your date to every family function just yet. Gradual is better, and if possible, in festive or social outings rather than intimate dinners. A fair, party, or the like might be easier for a social evening with someone the children have received poorly than sitting across the table from each other in sullen silence.
• Keep trying, gradually. Don’t be discouraged or allow it to interfere in your happiness. You are an adult; your choices are yours to make.


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